Angst

Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Some people asked me a year ago what am I planning to do after graduation. I think that is a common thing to ask given that we are expected to land on high-paying jobs in the corporate world because of our Atenean education (well, most of us, especially people in SOM). And I remember answering it nonchalantly with “rest/work/travel for a year then go to law school”. I was always so sure of my answer — particularly about the “one-year break” period.

But now that most of my batchmates who got admitted to UP Law School and Ateneo Law School are starting their first semester in a few days, I feel a pang of regret for postponing my dream for a year. Job hunting is fun and I enjoy going to interviews. Truth be told, I was even thrilled after receiving my first ever job offer. But after the adrenaline rush subsides, I am back to the realization that I still want to go to law school.

Boy I wake up everyday wishing that I could go to law school this year instead of getting lost in a sea of job openings and interview offers.

This is the first time in my life that I seriously do not know what am I gonna do. No plans, no directions, no whatsoever. For a year. Who would have thought taking a break could be this stressful?

But as the verse goes, even if I do not know where I’m heading, I will have faith that He is the wind that directs my ship towards where He wants me to go.

Blessed.

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He never fails to surprise me.

I guess it now depends whether I get the scholarship or not. But even if I do not get it, I am still thankful for all the blessings I am currently receiving. Thank You — for always keeping doors open. I know I haven’t been the best daughter and my record is far from being clean, but You always remind me to keep my chin up, have faith, and take courage because You’ve got it all figured out. Thank You — for showering me with so much love and grace. Despite my shortcomings and my stubbornness, You always make me feel I am worthy of Your forgiveness and sacrifice. Thank You — for never giving up on me.

And even if I sing for eternity a song of thanks and praise, I know it would never be enough. But knowing You, I am sure that the effort would not go unnoticed. And so, allow me to say another thank You — for everything that has happened and for everything that has yet to come. 

I love You. <3