A: Summer has been good (and hot), so far. I have been trying to keep my hands full for the next three weeks of April by enrolling myself in a driving school (which will commence next week), downloading tons of movies and series (which leaves me with only 5 gig of free space in my local disk), reading and buying books of different genres, and doing some artsy-fartsy stuff. We’ve been planning outings and get-togethers here and there as well; though it is highly probable that more than half of those plans would remain as…well, plans. But then, there is no harm in trying (or planning) anyway so might as well keep nagging until everyone agrees to a proposition. And besides, I like planning. It kind of makes me feel that I am in control of something — not to mention the joyful, guilty feeling of being able to easily assign responsibilities to anyone. But believe me, that is not always the case.
About the driving lessons, I figured it would give me higher chances of landing a job in the automotive industry if I will get a driver’s license as soon as possible. I have been wanting to get a license since third year high school but was never allowed to because 1. I almost crashed our van into a sturdy tree in Daang Hari during one of my test drives, 2. my mom does not believe that I have long ago given up on my car racing dreams, and 3. she thinks I would be off to different places everytime once she permits me to drive. She eventually got over them, thank goodness. And just last week, I finally convinced my dad to pay for my driving school lessons. They were against it initially, saying that it is a waste of money and that my tita can teach me for free. Problem is, they want me to train first in a manual car…BUT we do not have a manual car anymore; hence, the need to enroll in a driving school. Anyway, I really need to get my grubby hands on a driver’s license already. Honda has a job opening for fresh graduates and I cannot apply without it. I have clear intentions, you see. But then again, I think my mom has a good point in her third argument.
Downloading movies and series and reading books actually contradict each other. I have not finished de Botton’s book because I got distracted with Game of Thrones. Now I am downloading Suits and I am days behind of my reading schedule (and yes, I put deadlines into finishing books so I can make sure I will be done by the end of summer). Also, I have not cleared my laptop yet from my accumulated (and now useless) files from 1st year to 4th year college.Not that I am being sentimental about it — I can be quite merciless when it comes to deleting files, numbers, and
people accounts whenever they take up too much space. It’s just that I’m feeling lazy to open and assess what should go to the recycle bin and what should stay for a few months more.
As for the artsy-fartsy stuff, my mom bought me my second set of mud clay (or paper clay, as what my friends call it) project. I did my first one back in elementary and my mom said she wants to have another “work of art” hung on our living room wall. I am not sure how she is planning to do it considering that our walls are already full of frames (and I still have a jigsaw puzzle of Greece which is a work in progress and will be framed, too). Outside, perhaps?
And I have been working out! Jogging every morning (well okay, not every morning) and crunches every day. Hope it pays off soon.
So yeah, I guess I am fine. I am busy.
But whenever I let myself become idle even for just a minute, sad thoughts creep in. And so I try to be busy and keep my mind preoccupied and try to forget that I sorely miss you. There are times when I feel like striking a random conversation with you like how we used to, but I always stop typing midway; not because there really isn’t anything we can talk about (I actually have a lot of things to tell), but because I feel like you won’t be there to listen. It isn’t anyone’s fault, really. Like what you said, things change. And whether we admit it or not, we have already outgrown each other. I miss you badly, but I don’t want to force it this time. Truth be told, I have not figured things out yet. And unlike before where I can always retreat to being friends, I feel like I don’t have anything to cling on to anymore. I could go on telling you how much I miss you but there are just too many “buts” strung along with it. I still hope that you’d randomly hit me up one of these days and tell me your current state of affairs. I hope that you’d find time to actually tell me what you really feel (or even the lack thereof) so I can finally smooth things out.
I wish I could say I’m down with the season but summer’s fine and it’s actually just waiting for me to sweat it all out and enjoy the sun.